MessagesHow to write a clear, polite message
Most messages go wrong for one of three reasons: they are too long, they hide the point, or they sound colder than the writer meant. A few habits fix all three.
Put the point in the first line
People read the first line in the notification and decide whether to open the rest. Start with what you need or what you want to say.
| Instead of | Write |
|---|---|
| "Hi, hope you are doing well. Actually I wanted to ask you something..." | "Hi Neha, could you share the tailor's number? I need it by tomorrow." |
| "Sir, I have a problem at home, so..." | "Sir, I need leave tomorrow, 14 March, for a family emergency." |
| "We need to talk." | "Can we talk this evening about the holiday plan? Nothing serious." |
The four parts of a clear request
- What you need.
- When you need it, with a date.
- Why, in a few words.
- What happens next: who covers, how to reply, where to pay.
For feelings, be exact
"Thanks for everything" and "sorry for everything" say very little. Name the one thing: "Thank you for waiting at the hospital with us." "I am sorry I shouted this morning." Exact words sound sincere because they are.
What not to send as a message
- Anger. Write it, do not send it, and read it again after an hour.
- Bad news about health or a death to close family. Call first.
- Criticism at work. Say it in person or on a call. Praise can go in the group.
- Anything you would not want forwarded. Every message can be.
Tone check before you press send
- Read it once as the other person, on a bad day. Does it still sound kind?
- Add "please" and "thank you". They cost two words.
- Full stops and capital letters make a work message look careful. All capitals read as shouting.
- One emoji softens a line. Five make it hard to take seriously.
In groups
- One topic per message, with the date and time written together.
- Reply to the person, not to the whole group, when only one person needs the answer.
- Check a forward before passing it on. If you cannot check it, do not send it.
Ready examples of all of these are on the pages for leave, reminders, sorry, condolence and group announcements.
Text, voice note or call?
- Text for facts the other person may need to look at again: dates, addresses, amounts, instructions.
- A voice note for warmth between people who know each other well, and for elders who find typing hard. Keep it under a minute, and never use one for an address or a number.
- A call for anything urgent, anything sad, and anything that has already needed three messages to explain.
Read it as the other person
Before sending, read the message once as if you were receiving it on a crowded bus. Is it clear who it is from? Is the date unmistakable? Could any line be read as angry or sarcastic? If so, rewrite that line. Text carries no tone of voice, so the reader supplies one, and a tired reader supplies the worst one available.
A message you may want to hold
If you are angry, write the message and do not send it for an hour. Most such messages are never sent, and nobody has ever regretted the delay. The same goes for messages written late at night about feelings: morning is a better editor.
More help: how to write a formal message to a teacher, boss or elder, and group chat manners.